Hunger Games Simulator Storyline
Game 1: Villains
Part 3: Every Villain is Lemons
Last Time: The tributes weren’t ready
for Dr Facilier’s Friends on the Other Side, Extreme Makeover: Kefka Edition,
and Doctor Doom is the smartest tribute in the games.
Night
2
·
Jason Voorhees
looks at the night sky.
-----
Skeletor had gotten lucky against Freeza
earlier, but he had still been taken by surprise. He could not allow this to
happen again. Since then, Skeletor had been much more vigilant, and had his
Havoc Staff on hand at all times. On this occasion, he had used the staff’s
magic to detect the nearest tribute, and the unlucky competitor was Mileena.
Skeletor had snuck up on her, and was prepared to unleash a bolt of lightning
from his staff, when she turned around and threw her sai at him. They came at
such speed that Skeletor would not have enough time to conjure up a shield, so
he dived out of the way, and the sai stuck into a tree.
“Excellent!” Skeletor cried. “Now you
are defenceless!”
“You wish.” Mileena said, rolling up
into a ball and bowling into Skeletor. He was sent tumbling to the ground, giving
her the opportunity to retrieve her sai while he got back up. Mileena then
stabbed and slashed at Skeletor using her sai, while he parried her blows with
a sword in one hand and his staff in the other. Mileena’s relentless assault
proved to be her undoing, as her hasty attacks became increasingly sloppy,
until Skeletor was able to disarm her in one hand. The moment she spent
reacting to this gave Skeletor the opportunity to blast her with a magical bolt
from his staff. The blast left Mileena weakened, and she swayed in place as
Skeletor approached. The crowds watching the games at home saw this broadcast
on their televisions and were getting excited.
“FINISH HER!”
Skeletor was now stood directly in front
of Mileena. He prepared his staff. She was sure this was the end… but then she
felt a healing energy fill her body.
“Nyeh! Your skills are most impressive!
If only my henchmen in Eternia were as competent as you! How would you like to
work for me as one of my underlings?” Skeletor offered her his hand.
“If the alternative is death, then I’m
sure we can come to an agreement. There’ll be the possibility of flesh this way
too. I accept.” Mileena took Skeletor’s hand and shook it.
“Nyeh! This shall be the start of a
beautiful friendship!”
The crowd was not happy with this
peaceful resolution.
“Friendship? Again?”
“We came for blood!”
-----
·
Ernie the Giant
Chicken, Xigbar, Amanda Waller, and Doctor Nefarious tell each other ghost
stories to lighten the mood. Waller takes an interest in Xigbar and decides to
keep an eye on him. He might prove to be useful.
-----
“We shall stop here. We won’t be
disturbed.” Vizzini and Wario were at the top of a hill where they could see
across the arena for quite a distance. Behind them was a wooded area that could
offer camouflage if necessary. Wario moved some boulders near a tree stump for
he and Vizzini to discuss the earlier events, while Vizzini poured some wine he
had been able to salvage from the camp for them. Once the preparations were
made, Vizzini and Wario sat, with Vizzini beginning the conversation.
“You said earlier that you knew who was
responsible for the attack on my campsite. Please give me names.”
“I don’t know their names…” Wario began,
and Vizzini immediately frowned “…but I can describe them.” He hastily added,
sensing that Vizzini’s patience was running short.
“Go on then!”
“There were two clowns. One of them was
dressed like a court jester, and the other had flames on his head and wore a
mask. There was also a guy wearing a helmet, and a big black creature with a
long tongue. The jester was the one giving the orders.”
“Yes, I think I recognize some of them.”
Vizzini said. “The monster sounds like the one they call Venom. The clowns are
Kefka Palazzo and Needles Kane, and as for the last one… I must admit, I don’t
have enough information to tell who they might be. Yes, there are some things I
do not know. Inconceivable, I know! Nevertheless, I don’t think we should worry
about them. You said Kefka was the leader, then he shall be our first target.”
“Is that really such a good idea?” Wario
questioned. “I saw what he could do. He was the one who burned your camp to the
ground.”
“My my, is that cowardice I detect,
Wario? It simply means we’ll need to sneak up on him and put a knife in his back
before he notices we’re there. He may have magical powers, but he’s not
omnipotent.”
Wario wasn’t convinced and simply
crossed his fingers that the monsters from earlier had gotten Kefka.
“We shall have some wine to remind us of
what I lost in the attack, and then we’ll go after Kefka.” Vizzini said. He indicated
to the drink he had poured for Wario while reaching for his own goblet. “Now,
drink! But I should warn you, I have a… What is this?”
Vizzini was surprised and disappointed
to find that Wario had downed his wine almost immediately.
“Sorry.” Wario belched. “Whenever I hear
short instructions, I have to act on them immediately and don’t listen for more
information.” On this occasion, he should have, as Wario clutched his stomach
groaning in pain. “Urgh, I don’t feel so good…”
Vizzini quickly recovered from losing
the opportunity to flaunt his intelligence in a battle of wits and explained
what had happened.
“You thought I would work with you?
Inconceivable! That’s quite a fanciful tale you spun, but you’re the one I saw
at the campsite, not Kefka or Venom or anyone else! If anyone was dishonest enough to attack an
unguarded campsite, then it stands to reason that they would also be dishonest
enough to lie about the deed afterwards! This is why I poisoned your wine. I
would have normally used Iocane powder, in which case you would already be
dead, but I had to improvise with the limited resources available to me.”
“It’s true, I swear!” Wario insisted.
“That doesn’t matter!” Vizzini snapped.
“What does matter is that you’ve fallen victim to one of the classic blunders!
The most famous is “Never get involved in a land war in Asia” but only slightly
less well known is this: Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the
line! Ahahaha ahahahahahaha!”
Vizzini’s
laughter was abruptly stopped when a meat cleaver slammed into the back of his
head with such force that it shattered part of his skull. Needles Kane put his boot on Vizzini’s back to offer
leverage and pull his weapon out of Vizzini’s head. Meanwhile, Wario was
watching this and trying to flee, but the poison meant he could do no more than
unsteadily get to his feet.
“You ratted me out.” Needles started to
advance on Wario menacingly.
“You’ve killed Vizzini, and I’m the only
other person who saw what you did.” Wario bargained. “How about we leave each
other alone and pretend this whole thing never happened, huh?”
Needles paused a moment. “I guess I
could…” Wario got his hopes up “...but killing is too much fun for me, so
prepare to bleed!”
“How about I sweeten the deal with a
gift?” Wario reached into the pocket of his overalls, pulled out a bob-omb, and
threw it at Needles. However, the poison was now affecting his depth perception,
and the bob-omb fell several feet short of his target. “D’oh, I missed!” Wario
cried, and started to stagger away before falling down. Needles noticed that in
his haste, Wario had forgotten to light the bob-omb, so he held the fuse to his
flaming head.
“Here you go!” Needles shouted, before
thrusting the bob-omb into Wario’s hands, and kicking him away before he could
react. The bob-omb exploded, blowing
chunks of Wario over the hill in the process. Needles laughed. “I kill and
destroy!”
-----
·
T1000 screams for
help.
·
Dio Brando,
Maleficent, and President Snow discuss the games and what might happen in the
morning.
-----
The museum had closed to the public forthe night, but Luke Atmey’s work was only just beginning. The museum’s curator
Miss Adrian Andrews had received a letter from the notorious cat burglar Masque
DeMasque that he would come to the museum that night and steal the Sacred Urn
of Kurain from the new Kurain Exhibit. Security had been increased, but Luke
Atmey had ordered the guards to bring him Masque DeMasque. The thief could be
apprehended by his greatest foe, the Ace Detective Luke Atmey, and nobody else.
Luke was guarding the urn, cleaning his dual monocle / magnifying glass, when
the alarms sounded.
“It seems Masque DeMasque has finally
made his appearance. Zvarri!”
Luke headed outside, where he was
greeted by the sight of two dead security guards. Their bodies were covered in
slashes from claws of some kind. Surprisingly, Luke was unperturbed by this
unexpected turn of events.
“A change to Masque DeMasque’s modus
operandi? Curious. I shall examine this at once.”
Luke took the monocle from his face and
used it to examine the bodies. An Ace Detective had to be thorough at all
times. He then placed the monoclifying glass back to his face.
“Zvarri! The truth has once again been
elegantly revealed to me! Masque DeMasque does not usually kill, yet tonight he
has. This can only mean that he is getting desperate, knowing that I, Ace
Detective Luke Atmey, am hot on his tail. Show yourself Masque DeMasque, and
face justice!”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night,
buddy. Just know that’s all you’re gonna be doing very soon!” A voice called from the roof of the museum.
“Masque DeMasque, come down here at
once! I command you to dancingly descend to me, so we can have our final
confrontation.”
“First off, I don’t know what “Dancingly
Descend” means, and second, I am not Masque DeMasque.” The thief came down from
the roof, then took off his mask to reveal a horribly burned face.
“I’m Freddy Krueger, the Springwood
Slasher!” Claws sprouted from the impostor Masque DeMasque’s right glove, which
he used to tear through his disguise and uncover the familiar red and green
striped sweater. Before Luke could arrest this criminal, Freddy slashed across
Luke’s face. While he was trying to stem
the flow of blood, Freddy knocked Luke to the ground, stabbing him with his
clawed glove repeatedly. Luke could see the museum start to fade away, to be
replaced by the arena of the Hunger Games. Alas, Freddy didn’t fade away with
it, and Luke was losing too much blood. All he could do was bemoan his fate.
“Take
a good look, everyone! Unable to find a rival worthy of my genius, I was forced
to create one myself! Here I am! The tragic clown..."
-----
Jagi was hiding deep in a dark cave,
where nobody would see that he was crying. Not that it mattered, he thought.
Nobody was scared of him, or saw him as a threat. No, it was all T1000 this and
Dio Brando that. It wouldn’t hurt his status any if he was found in this state.
Nobody was grateful to him whenever he tried to help. He tried to make Vizzini
go after Kenshiro when they attacked Vizzini’s camp, but how did Kefka thank
him? He didn’t. He sent Jagi away like an unwanted dog, shouting about how Jagi
had tried to make sense out of destruction, and that destruction was only fun
when it was senseless. Jagi threw off his helm to clear the tears from his
eyes, and the helm made a metallic clanking noise as it collided with the
shotgun Jagi had set down upon entering the cave and promptly forgotten about.
Jagi tentatively picked up the weapon and took it with him to his corner. There
was one bullet left. Perfect. Jagi spoke one word that none of the other
tributes had said.
“Jagi”.
He
then put the shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger, the blast echoing
loudly in the cave, yet from too deep inside to be heard by anyone else.
Day 3
·
Jason Voorhees
makes a slingshot.
·
Freddy Krueger
hunts for other tributes.
-----
The suit Amanda Waller had given him had
made a big difference for Dio in the arena. Previously, he would have had to
hide during the day, but now he could pursue his enemies at all times without
putting himself in danger. Of course, other tributes weren’t watching out for
him during the day, such as Doctor Nefarious, who was completely unaware that
Dio had been watching him. Dio decided to take advantage of this. From his
hiding place, he fired a laser beam from his eyes. The blast shocked Nefarious,
causing him to malfunction, and play the latest episode of his favourite soap
opera, Lance and Janice.
“I’m afraid I have not been entirely
truthful with you, Janice. I only married you for your money.”
“How could you do that, Lance?”
“It was on the orders of my Uncle
Roland.”
“But Lance, Uncle Roland is the alias I
use for Galactic Rangers sting operations!”
Dio was already sick of the show’s
inanity, so he used his freezing touch on Nefarious, then punched him into the
air with a devastating uppercut. Nefarious was in pretty bad shape now, but at
least the soap opera had turned itself off. Nefarious grovelled at Dio’s feet.
“I
am defeated. I have no choice but to throw myself on your mercy!”
Dio laughed at how easily he had
defeated Doctor Nefarious. He pulled out a knife to finish him off, but then
his body started to move involuntarily. Dio moved his arms and one of his legs
up and down, alternating the leg each time. No matter how hard he tried to
resist, the Groovitron Doctor Nefarious had dropped behind him meant Dio was
stuck doing the Thriller dance until the disco ball wore off.
“SUCKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!”
Doctor Nefarious yelled behind him as he made his escape.
-----
·
Xigbar tries to
spear fish with a trident.
·
Mileena steals
from Ernie the Giant Chicken while he isn't looking. Skeletor would be very
pleased with this haul.
·
Needles Kane
constructs a shack.
-----
Through the T1000’s deception, Dingodile
had been eliminated. There were other tributes who could potentially pose a
threat to it, which is why the T1000 was currently scanning its databanks for
information. It was distracted by a raven flying overhead and cawing loudly.
The raven flew into the forest, so the T1000 tracked it. It kept up until the
raven flew downwards, landing on the shoulder of its mistress.
“Well done, my pet. You have brought me
a powerful tribute indeed.” Maleficent said to the Raven while stroking it. She
then turned her attention to the T1000. “Now, I can empower you further to
defeat the other tributes in this arena, if you are willing to work for me. I
could remove your weaknesses.”
The T1000 didn’t respond. A beep
indicated that the scan had now finished, and Maleficent was a threat. She had
to die. Once the T1000 was within range, it wrapped its hands around her neck
and began to choke her. Maleficent’s raven, which had flown up in shock,
swooped down to peck and claw at the T1000’s face. To deal with the pest, it
removed one hand from Maleficent’s neck, transforming it into a metal blade
that skewered the bird. The death of her beloved raven gave the enraged
Maleficent the strength to remove the T1000’S other hand, and the drive to tap
into the depths of her magic.
Maleficent shrouded herself in green
flames, driving the T1000 back. When they were extinguished, Maleficent had
transformed into a large black dragon. The dragon kept the T1000 on the back
foot with its jets of flame breath and stomping feet. Although the T1000’s speed
was keeping it safe for now, it had to end the battle before Maleficent could
land a lucky hit. It sprinted towards the dragon, darting from side to side to
avoid its flames, until it reached a foot. Maleficent prepared another stomp,
but the T1000 leapt and transformed its arm into a hook, digging into
Maleficent’s scales. The dragon roared in pain as the T1000 climbed around to
the dragon’s chest, stabbing its hooks into her when it moved. Upon reaching the dragon’s front, the T1000
kept one of the hooks in place, and transformed the other arm into a spike
again, using it to discourage Maleficent from biting at him, until he got the
chance to plunge the blade into the dragon’s heart. The T1000’s blade flew
swift and sure: Maleficent’s evil had died, but the evil of Skynet would
endure.
·
President Snow
thinks about home.
·
Amanda Waller
picks flowers.
·
Skeletor goes
hunting.
5 cannon shots can be heard in the
distance.
Vizzini
District 5
Wario
District 7
Luke Atmey
District 12
Jagi
District 9
Maleficent
District 2
http://brantsteele.net/hungergames/status.php?r=3
Night 3
·
Doctor Nefarious
stays awake all night watching a Secret Agent Clank marathon on SpaceFlix.
·
Skeletor receives
medical supplies from an unknown sponsor.
-----
President Snow thought he had found the
perfect place to sleep for the night, as he could see a large organic structure
which could serve as useful shade from the elements and camouflage so that he
wasn’t out in the open. Once he got closer, he realized that the structure was
a skeleton. A skeleton of that size could only belong to one tribute – Alduin.
Snow felt a small object tinkle against his foot. When he bent over to pick it
up, he recognized it as the Millenium Ring. Snow threw it into the trees in a
rage. His allies had seemed so powerful when he first met them, but they had
proven themselves to be useless! Snow calmed down when the knowledge that he
wasn’t alone gave him something else to focus on.
“Ms Waller, please call off your attack
dog.” He said without turning around to dignify his assailant by looking at
them.
“You think I’m working for the Wall? As
if!” Xigbar snorted derisively. “I’m in this for numero uno.”
“Stand down, Xigbar.” Amanda Waller
ordered. “You’re not fooling him.”
Xigbar grumbled to himself, but did as
he was told, though he kept his bows trained on Snow just in case.
“I know you work with convicts Amanda,
but is this really the best scenario to conduct a recruitment drive?” President
Snow asked.
“I have my reasons.” Waller said. “This
will work itself out in the end.”
“I take it you have a plan.” Snow
suggested.
“I do.” Waller confirmed. “I’m here
because of Alma Coin, just like you. I propose we use these games against her.
You and I can be the brains behind the muscle my other tributes provide.”
“Does that mean you think I’m dumb? If
so, you’re mistaken.” Xigbar called out to defend his honour. Amanda and Snow
ignored him.
“Very good. I had some allies of my own,
but…” Snow gestured to Alduin’s skeleton and the trees into which he had thrown
the Millennium Ring “They didn’t live up to their potential. I’ll let you
handle selecting our conspirators, since you’re so good at ensuring loyalty in
your colleagues. If you know what I mean.”
“I certainly do.” Waller reached into
her pocket to feel the detonator she knew Snow was referencing. “I have a
tribute scanning the arena in search of suitable candidates as we speak. A
shapeshifter, so you won’t be able to recognize them. I have another one, who
specialises in night-time operations. I will keep their identities on a need-to-know
basis for the time being, but be careful who you battle.”
“Do I need to know?” Xigbar interrupted
again. “I am your bodyguard, after all.”
“You’ve just answered your own question.
That information is classified. For professional ears only, not the hired guns.”
Waller answered.
“No biggie. I’ll just find out on my own
terms.” Xigbar said under his breath, so that only he could hear.
“As your superior, I will expect a
progress report soon.” Snow said.
“Of course.” Waller replied. “Come,
Xigbar.”
“Be a good boy now!” Xigbar said to Snow
mockingly as he followed on Waller’s heels. As she left, she spoke into her
radio.
“Dio, President Snow has lost his
allies. According to my intelligence, one of them had a magic ring. Find it for
me.”
-----
Since he’d had so much fun killing Luke
Atmey the previous night, Freddy Krueger was looking out for some more sleeping
tributes he could torment with his particular brand of nightmares . He could see Lord Shen lying face down in the
distance; a perfect target. However, Freddy got closer, someone else beat him
to his target, preparing a fire and tossing the bird’s body onto it. Freddy got
over his disappointment once he saw who it was.
“Well, well, well. If it isn’t momma’s
boy. Whaddya say we finish this once and for all?”
Being the strong silent type, Jason
Voorhees didn’t answer vocally. Instead, he reached for his machete.
“All I needed to see.” Freddy laughed,
then went on the attack. He lunged towards Jason, who swept his arm aside to
knock Freddy away. Freddy’s quick claw attacks weren’t nearly as threatening to
a foe who could defend himself as they were to Luke Atmey, and Jason wasn’t one
to get scared, only angry. It was that anger that led Jason to smash his
machete against a chain hanging from a nearby tree.
“Are you throwing a tantrum?” Freddy
mocked. “Why don’t you run home to mommy?”
Jason watched as Freddy was caught in
his sack trap. Jason smashed the sack against the floor several times before
unceremoniously dumping it on the fire to cook.
“I’ve burned enough times already!”
Freddy’s muffled shout came from inside the sack, and he tore out with a spin
that also knocked Jason’s machete out of his hand. The machete went spinning
right into the path of the Giant Chicken, who was able to duck just in time to
avoid it. He glared in the direction of the commotion, and it was clear that he was not happy.
Without his weapon Jason was starting to
be overwhelmed by Freddy, who started pushing him towards the fire. Freddy felt
the need to gloat at the prospect of defeating his greatest rival.
“When you see her, tell Mrs Voorhees she
was the best fuck I ever had!”
Jason growled with anger at his mother
being insulted, but he wasn’t the one who knocked Freddy away. That was the
Giant Chicken, leaping towards him with Jason’s machete in a double handed
strike. Freddy dodged to the side, but not quickly enough to avoid having his
hand cut off. He wasn’t worried though, as it took on a life of its own, crawling
around and digging its claws into the Chicken’s flesh. Jason took the
opportunity to take his machete back from the chicken and focus on Freddy
again. The Chicken now had to find another weapon. The glint of the severed
chain glowing in the firelight would do just fine. He set off in pursuit of the
rivals.
Needles Kane had spent the day searching
for Kefka and his lackeys, but had no luck. With the number of remaining
tributes decreasing, he took this to mean that they were all dead. He felt that
this justified a reward of a frozen treat from his van, which he was currently
admiring. In his old life as Marcus Kane the ice cream man, he made the best
ice cream around, and he still liked to savour it today.
“Such sweet, cool perfection. A round
ball of heaven perched on a delicate cone. So pleasing to the senses. Who doesn’t
love an ice cream cone?”
Sadly, Needles never got to enjoy his
prize, as Freddy Krueger bumped into him, knocking the ice cream out of his
hand. He was soon followed by Jason Voorhees, carelessly trampling it
underfoot. The Giant Chicken brought up the rear, squawking and swinging his
chain, smashing it into Needles’ face and knocking him down. He stared at his
ruined ice cream in disbelief.
“I worked real hard on that ice cream, real hard. One way or another, they’re
gonna pay for it.”
Needles climbed into his van, gunned the
engine and joined the chase.
The Giant Chicken was the first to
notice the ice cream truck coming behind them. The squawk as Needles ran him
over caught the attention of Freddy and Jason, who were themselves hit by
Needles soon afterwards.
“You scream, I scream, we all scream for
ice cream!” Needles sang, his cheer inappropriate for what he was currently
doing. None of his targets were killed by him, with Freddy and Jason using
their weapons to hang onto the sides of the vehicle, while the Giant Chicken
had wrapped its chain to the van’s exhaust and was being dragged behind it as
he pulled himself onto the van. Freddy clambered around to the front, blocking
Needles’ vision.
“I’d like vanilla with chocolate
sprinkles and your head on a plate!” Freddy shouted as he burst through the
windscreen and attacked Needles while he was driving. Meanwhile, Jason and the
Chicken were having a battle of their own on the roof of the van. The Chicken’s
chain was being used to drag the two tributes together, and though the Chicken
tried to keep the van’s decorative clown head between him and Jason, he did
suffer some nasty blows from Jason’s machete in the process. In the driver’s
seat, the scuffle between Freddy and Needles saw the steering wheel being
jerked around constantly, and the van swerving over the forest in the process,
making it difficult for Jason and the Chicken to keep their balance. Their
weight pressing to one side, combined with the swerving, caused the van to
start tipping over. In the chaos, Freddy’s foot kicked at a big red button on
the dashboard, marked with a clown face. Said button activated the explosives
inside the mounted clown head, which Jason and the Chicken were hanging onto
for dear life. The quick thinking Chicken tied his chain to Jason’s leg and
threw it beneath one of the tyres. Jason’s pressure prevented the missile from
blasting off, instead exploding where it was, and the shockwave sent the van
rolling along until it plunged into a nearby lake.
Inside the van, climbing out through the
windscreen wasn’t an option between the jagged glass and water pouring in
through it. Freddy was pulling on the door handle to try and get out without
success.
“Let
me try.” Needles growled irritably, yanking Freddy away. He was too harsh in
doing so, and the door handle snapped away in Freddy’s hand.
“Now
look what you’ve done!” Freddy glubbed through the water, as Needles had just consigned
the two to a watery grave, trapped in their sinking steel coffin.
The Giant Chicken was luckier. He had
been thrown off when the vehicle crashed, and had landed on a wooden jetty on
the water’s edge. He was injured and exhausted, so he would lie where he was
for a few minutes to catch his breath. The
Chicken had underestimated his foes, as with one last burst of strength, Jason
burst through the bottom of the jetty and grabbed the Chicken just before the
Sweet Tooth van pulled him under. The least Jason could do was take the one who
had sent him to the depths with him.
-----
·
Mileena receives
a hatchet from Skeletor. The accompanying note reads “It is important to attain
mastery of multiple styles to confound the expectations of your foes. Nyeh!”
8
Tributes Remain
Next Time: Will President Snow and
Amanda Waller’s coup succeed? Will Skeletor and Mileena’s faction triumph? Or
will lone wolf Doctor Nefarious eradicate the squishies (and the T1000)? The
winner of the Hunger Games will be crowned next time! Don’t miss it!
