Final Fantasy VII Machinabridged Season 1
Final Fantasy VII was the game that
single-handedly popularised JRPGs in the West, thanks to having 3D graphics
that were hugely impressive in 1997 and a major marketing campaign behind it
for the first time. The game’s impact can still be felt today, and the main
hero and villain Cloud and Sephiroth are gaming royalty (the former was deemed
iconic enough to be included in Super Smash Bros. despite being primarily a
Playstation character whose Nintendo appearances are restricted to the
occasional cameo in crossovers where he isn’t the focus.)
This was enough...
... to make this happen.
(Silently crying in the corner intensifies.)
Naturally, when Team
Four Star, creators of the popular Youtube series Dragonball Z Abridged and
Hellsing Ultimate Abridged, announced that Final Fantasy VII would be the
subject of their next series, there was excitement. Given that Dragonball Z
Abridged has evolved from the basic but fun parody it started as to an
unofficial alternative dub, and Hellsing was treated as an alternate dub from
the start, Final Fantasy VII was looking to get a redo that wasn’t full of poorly
translated Engrish. Unfortunately, the series got off to a rough start.
Then the PS4 remake was announced so
we’re getting a redone script that isn’t full of poorly translated Engrish
either way. Speaking of that, let’s watch Matthew McConaughey watch the
trailer.
In a departure from the other Team Four
Star series, this series has their contributions mainly on the technical side
rather than the performance side. The series is written by members Takahata101
and Antfish and edited by MasakoX, while the cast consists mostly of a who’s
who of E-celebrities and up-and-coming voice actors from anime dubbing house
Funimation, with the notable exceptions being Taka as the voice of Red XIII and
Antfish as Barret. Antfish was a replacement for another actor who pulled out
at the last minute, and he does a good job, as Barret is one of the funnier
characters on the show thanks to his intense-but-not-quite-shouting delivery
which means most of his lines raise a chuckle even if the jokes themselves miss
the mark. Other members of the team have currently minor roles as some of the
Shinra executives, though Lanipator as Reeve is guaranteed a bigger role in
Season 2 and beyond as Reeve becomes more prominent later. On one hand, it’s
impressive to see how far Team Four Star have come to be able to get all of
these other internet famous people to contribute, but on the other hand, it
does feel like it’s less their show and more something that has their name on
it for promotional purposes, even though that isn’t the case.
Disappointingly, many of the characters
in the series aren’t particularly original or likeable. Cloud switches as
needed for the scene between sarcastic audience surrogate straight man (like in
every other Final Fantasy VII parody ever) to a whiny wimp that the universe
conspires to screw over at every opportunity, yet remains unsympathetic despite
this (like the protagonist of an Adam Sandler movie, minus the wish fulfilment
on Adam Sandler’s part.) As entertaining as he can be, Barret is just the stock
angry black guy turned up to 11 (he was already at about 9 in the game.) Red
XIII’s portrayal as dumb but loveable is entertaining enough and a far cry from
his usual portrayal of wise but with moments of naïvety and bitterness, but he suffers
from not being introduced until near the end of episode 9 and therefore getting
little screen time in comparison to everyone else. Aerith is the best of the
group, as she is portrayed as naïve, air-headed and eccentric, but pleasant to
be around nevertheless. Unlike Red, she also has the advantage of being
introduced soon enough that she gets a decent amount of screen time, debuting
in episode 4. The worst of the bunch is undoubtedly Tifa. She is an abusive,
vulgar, violent woman who screams obscenities and loses her temper at the drop
of a hat, blackmails Cloud into joining Avalanche and threatens to rape him
several times. (Maybe the writers ship Cloud with Aerith, which is why they
made Tifa look bad.) The end of episode 10 implies that she behaves this way
due to severe psychological issues over traumatic memories, but after an entire
season of superbitch Tifa, it’s too little too late. Minor characters range
from hilarious (Palmer, the Church of Brodin, Don Corneo’s receptionist voiced
by Kirito from Sword Art Online Abridged, which you should be watching right
now if you’re not. Seriously, it’s brilliant, and I say this as someone who
doesn’t particularly care for Sword Art Online. I’ll wait here for you to get
back), funny for a bit but their joke gets old fast (Aerith’s pothead mum,
Marlene) and not funny at all (Jessie, Hojo.)
Come to think of it, most of the
characters are bad people in general. Aerith and Red XIII are the only
characters that could be possibly described as good, and even they have a
bitchy streak towards Tifa (both, although Tifa definitely deserves it) and
casual racist moments (Red, who nicknames Barret Black. Barret gives him a pass
because he’s always wanted a talking dog ever since he was a little boy.) The
off-colour humour doesn’t work as well here as it does in Hellsing Abridged,
where the source material is already pitch-black in tone, involving as it does
a three-way rumble between British vampires, Zombie Nazis, and demon hunters in
the employ of the Catholic Church. The more light-hearted, whimsical and less
vulgar for the most part tone of Dragonball Z Abridged would have been a more
appropriate fit for this series.
For an abridged series, Machinabridged
doesn’t feel very abridged. The first season consists of ten 10-15 minute
episodes, covering from the start of the game to the escape from the Shinra
Building. This covers about a third of the game’s first disc out of three
(though it should be noted the majority of the third disc is dedicated to
optional content and exploration, with the only story content being the final
dungeon.) This may not be so bad to a new viewer, and considering that a number
of Team Four Star’s viewers watch Dragonball Z Abridged without familiarity of
the source material, there could well be a number of viewers who haven’t played
the game, but I have and I know that there is still a very long way to go,
which makes me wonder how long the series will last before reaching the end of
the game. It doesn’t help that the pacing slows down in places that seem
unnecessary. Episode 2 is mostly Cloud’s trek back to base after the first
mission, which could have been condensed to a single scene or removed entirely,
while the infamous crossdressing arc gets two entire episodes dedicated to it. By
comparison, CloudStrife8’s series, Final Fantasy VII Abridged, covered the same
material as Machinabridged’s entire first season in four episodes. By episode
10, the series had reached Rocket Town, which is near the end of disc 1. The
series finished upon reaching the end of the game at episode 19.
On the other hand, the slower pace does
have some advantages to it. The first season covers the events in Midgar, the
opening area of the game, with the rest of the world opening up for exploration
once the party leaves Midgar. With that in mind, leaving Midgar is a good place
for the season to leave off. This treatment is also very beneficial to the
character of President Shinra. In the game, he’s the first antagonist, who is
killed off a few hours into the game in favour of Sephiroth and then never
mentioned again once his son Rufus takes over the Shinra Corporation
immediately following the President’s death. Here, he’s the main antagonist of
the first season as opposed to a starter villain who serves as a warm-up before
the real villain is introduced, and leaves a lot more of an impact because of
this. Credit also goes to his voice actor, Graham Stark, whose performance
nails the sophisticated malice archetype. The scene where he gloats over the
destruction of the Sector 7 slum at the end of episode 7 is particularly well
done, as that event was glossed over very quickly in the game, but Team Four
Star dwell on it a bit more, which helps convey the severity of Shinra’s crime.
The production values are very high for
a free internet series, but that aside, this show is easily the weakest of Team
Four Star’s three ongoing series, and I’m
currently unsure whether or not I’ll be sticking around for Season 2. I don’t
enjoy putting the boot in like this, because it’s clear that a lot of effort
went into the show, and Team Four Star’s other two shows are great and come
highly recommended, but this just did too many things I disliked for me to
ignore them. For those interested, I would instead recommend Final Fantasy VII
Abridged by CloudStrife8. The production values are lower, and you will hate
how irritating and twee the opening theme is until it worms into your brain and
becomes catchy and charming, but I prefer it to Machinabridged in almost every
other respect.
6/10
Funny Quotes Collection Time! (In rough
order of when they happen in the season.)
Because Final
Fantasy XIII was just too easy a target to fire shots at, and it’s been done a
million times already. It’s almost as overdone as the Star Wars Prequel
Trilogy.
Cloud: You know anyone who wants to play pinball can get down here, right?
Biggs: Yeah, that’s how Wedge joined.
Wedge: I saw too much
Tifa: Cloud, stop being a pussy and come blow up private property with us.
Cloud: You say that so casually.
·
Cloud: Hey Tifa, could you do me a solid and GO FUCK YOURSELF!
· Cloud: Aerith, it would appear that Tifa has been kidnapped by a mob boss who intends
to give her the sex.
Aerith: Oh no! She shouldn’t do that until she’s married!
The Who’s On First? bit between Cloud and Barret when Cloud is trapped in a magic pyramid spell.
· All of the conservation on Palmer’s spending in the Division for Cool Space Stuff, and Heidegger’s assault charges.
Red XIII: Do not listen to the boob lady! She seems disrespectful.
Cloud: I like this guy.
Red XIII: (Upon finding a room full of dead soldiers) Scouting report: Where do I begin?
Tifa: Aerith, honey. Could you do me a solid and let the adult handle this?
Aerith: Okay. You do look much older than me anyway.
· Rufus Shinra: I’m no son of a bitch, I’m the heir to a bastard!
· Red XIII: I’m going to miss this place. I had an enormous amount of sex here.
· Barret and Red XIII’s stunned reactions to Cloud finally standing up for himself against Tifa at the end of Episode 10.
No comments:
Post a Comment