Iron Man (2008)

Iron Man (2008)

Release Date: May 2, 2008

After seeing how successful several of the films starring their characters had been, as well as the general downward trajectory in quality after Spider-Man 2, Marvel decided to make their own superhero films, with blackjack and hookers. Iron Man was the first attempt, and it would be fair to say that they hit the ground running.

Tony Stark is a highly successful and filthy rich weapons manufacturer, living the lifestyle of a playboy billionaire, as well as being the ultimate bro. After a demonstration of his new Jericho missiles (a rocket full of smaller rockets that wouldn’t be out of place in Ratchet and Clank’s armoury) to the US Military in Afghanistan, Stark is captured by terrorists who want the missiles, but don’t have enough money to pay for them, with a session of searching down the back of the sofa turning up £3.14, a mars bar wrapper, a piece of string and an IOU for backrubs. Tony isn’t having that, and instead decides to build a suit of armour in order to burninate the terrorists and escape. Fire! Fire!

After coming home to America, the traumatised Tony has an epiphany and announces that his company Stark Industries will no longer be manufacturing weapons, which the board of directors and Tony’s mentor Obadiah Stane aren’t particularly pleased about. Tony instead upgrades the Iron Man armour and heads back to Afghanistan to get revenge on his captors before they even have the chance to say “Durka Durka Mohammed Jihad.” This gets the attention of Agent Coulson of SHIELD, who starts to keep an eye on Tony. While Tony’s gone, his secretary Pepper Potts discovers that Stane hired the terrorists to kill Tony and lured him to Afghanistan so that Stane could take over Stark Industries. In response, Stane builds his own suit of Iron Monger armour, using Tony’s Afghanistan prototype as a base. Iron Man and Iron Monger fight, but Iron Monger’s increased strength and size lends him the upper hand, until Pepper Potts activates an EMP that temporarily deactivates both suits, causing Stane’s larger suit to lose its balance and make Stane fall to his death. End of Line.

At a press conference held after the events at Stark Industries, Tony decides not to go with the cover-up and alibis Agent Coulson supplied him with, instead announcing to the gathered audience that “I am Iron Man.” This stunt gets the attention of SHIELD boss Nick Fury, who invites Stark to join the Avengers. Apparently he’s so eager that he comes into Tony’s house at night to ask instead of waiting until the morning.

As the first entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, you would think that Iron Man would have to do a lot of heavy lifting in terms of world building and universe establishing, but you would be wrong. Iron Man remembers to place the focus on telling its own story, with the MCU set-up taking place alongside the film, not instead of it. The latter is a trap that films fall into all too often nowadays, focusing so much on setting up the sequel than there’s no time to do anything in the current one. Agent Coulson doesn’t try to force himself into the narrative, which helps make the film feel more natural. It also helps that Coulson is a popular and likeable character, to the extent that he got his own spin-off. #AgentCoulsonIsMyHomeboy.

Praise should be directed at Robert Downey Jr for playing Tony Stark. Actually, no. That’s inaccurate. Robert Downey Jr doesn’t play Tony Stark. Robert Downey Jr is Tony Stark. He gets the character absolutely spot-on. Tony Stark also offers something different from most other heroes in that he isn’t a permanent goody two-shoes, he is capable of being an egotistical douchebag at times, and will not hesitate to just have fun. Despite this, he remains likeable, as he brags about himself with his ego, instead of tearing down others. While it isn’t really touched on here, Tony Stark does have a history of alcoholism, which helps Robert Downey Jr play the character more accurately, as he has battled alcohol and drug addictions in real life and knows what it’s like. Iron Man, alongside Tropic Thunder and Sherlock Holmes, shot Robert Downey Jr’s career into the stratosphere, and deservedly so.

In the comics, Iron Man’s origin was that he was captured and held hostage during the Vietnam War. In the film, that was updated to Afghanistan instead. This is a clever decision, as it is more believable for superior tech as advanced as Iron Man’s to be available in the present day than it would be in the 1960s. It also helps make the film more relevant to the audience in terms of wish fulfilment. I’m sure many would want to go to the Middle East and stop the fighting if they could, and here’s this character doing just that.

The film follows the Superhero Origin Story formula established by Spider-Man. We see our protagonist’s regular life, then they become a hero, then they face a nice easy starter villain. While this would normally be seen as dull and lazy, Iron Man manages to keep things lively thanks to Tony Stark’s charisma, and the film’s pacing preventing scenes from dragging or being dull. The action sequences are great fun when they come, and the effects used to create Iron Man’s flight and lasers are excellent. Despite his relatively little screen time, Obadiah Stane is still fairly entertaining. The only issue with him is that we don’t get a whole lot of development for his character or exploration for his motives when it comes to his actions. As it is, we’re left to go with greed, which is rather weak considering that Stane was friends with Tony’s father Howard Stark, who likely wouldn’t be impressed with Stane selling out his son to terrorists. Maybe they could have added some mention of Stane running Stark Industries after Howard’s death and resenting that he had to hand it over to Tony after he came of age, or showing that Stane and Tony didn’t get along before Tony shut down the weapons division.

Nevertheless, Iron Man is a blast. The film remembers to have fun and never lets things get too serious or angsty, which leaves the viewer in a good mood once it’s over. With this first film, Marvel threw down the gauntlet and proved that they could play with the others. Will the streak keep going, or was Iron Man a case of beginner’s luck?

Next Time: Our first reboot.

Stan Lee Spotter: Stan Lee appears as Hugh Hefner and is greeted on the red carpet by Tony. Stan Lee is the Elder Bro, and he, Tony and Agent Coulson formed their own group, the Bro Force, in which they do bro things. Captain America wasn’t allowed to join because he’s a square. Cap insists that having respect for women isn’t square, while Tony says that sounds an awful lot like something a square would say. Little known fact, this argument was what really started the Marvel Civil War, that exploding school thing was just a cover-up. It was an inside job, I tells ya!

And Now For Something Completely Different

Because I have recently moved into university accommodation, I have been busy all week preparing for that. As a result, I have not been able to watch the next film yet. However, I did not want to leave you with nothing, so I decided to do an extra review for the last film I watched instead. As it is an unofficial review, it does not count towards the rankings at the end, and will not be coming up in the end-of-term test. I still expect you to pay attention, of course! The film in question is…

Back when Pokemon was a worldwide craze, as opposed to being rather popular like it is today, wars were fought in playgrounds everywhere over which was better: Pokemon, or rival series, Digimon. The rivalry extended to film as well. When Pokemon: the First Movie was released in cinemas and made a lot of money, 20^th Century Fox decided they wanted a piece of the pie and set about making a Digimon film. The catch was that there were no feature-length Digimon films to dub. However, there were three films released in Japan, lasting 20 minutes, 40 minutes and 1 hour respectively. The solution was to cobble these three films together, cut the result down to 75 minutes, and add in some way of connecting the three stories. The result is what we know in the Western world as Digimon: The Movie.

Before the film begins, there is an Angela Anaconda cartoon, in which she goes to the cinema to watch Digimon and fantasizes about becoming Angelamon. At the risk of angering any Angela Anaconda fans, it is hideous! This is what’s inside the Ark of the Covenant that made the Nazis’ faces melt! And the voices. Oh God, the voices! This is what you get when you cross nails on a chalkboard, babies crying, Rebecca Black’s Friday and a lynch mob, then play it backwards while torturing someone! In that scenario, the torture isn’t even necessary, it’s just salt in the wound. Next up is the Digi Rap, in which most of the words are prefixed with Digi. It’s unbelieveably Digi-cheesy, but after the Digi-I don’t know what even, it’s definitely the lesser of two evils.

Chibimon

The first story, set four years before the first series, acts as a pilot episode, detailing the Digidestined’s first encounter with Digimon. Li’l Kari finds an egg coming out of her dad’s computer in the middle of the night and keeps it as a pet after it hatches into a cute widdle bear head thing (I assure you, it isn’t nearly as gruesome as it sounds.) Kari and her brother Li’l Tai keep the cute widdle bear head thing a secret from their mother until it evolves into a giant Agumon (yellow lizard that is totally not Digimon’s version of Charmander. It’s tail isn’t on fire, you see) and goes on a rampage with Li’l Kari riding on its back. Another egg comes out of the sky and hatches into a big mean parrot Digimon that can fire electricity from its head feathers. The parrot attacks giant Agumon, which evolves into giant Greymon (Agumon, but bigger, meaner and wearing a brown helmet) to protect Li’l Kari and then fires its laser, baaaaah! The laser is so powerful that both the parrot and giant Greymon are killed by it, leaving a wrecked Japanese street in their wake. Nobody is particularly disturbed by this as giant monster battles are commonplace in Japan. They’re so commonplace that the Japanese have a name for when giant monsters wreck cities while fighting each other: Tuesday.

Wargames

This story is set between the first two series, featuring the cast of the first series. Resident computer geek Izzy has discovered a virus digimon named Keromon (think grey bipedal squid with a round head and permanent shit-eating grin) that is eating the internet, so he warns Tai about it and the two send in their Digimon, the robot ladybird Tentomon and regular, non-giant Agumon, to fight it. Unfortunately, by the time they get there, Keromon has filled up on cat pictures, porn and people complaining that Ridley and Mewtwo aren’t in Smash Bros 4, enabling it to evolve into its ultimate form, Infermon (a cross between a spider, a peanut and a tank.) Infermon is smart enough to attack Agumon and Tentomon in the middle of their evolution sequences and then do a runner.

Tai and Izzy decide to get help from the other Digidestined, but only Matt and TK are available, as well as their Digimon, Gabumon (Bipedal wolf) and Patamon (Potato with bat wings for ears). When it comes time for the rematch, Infermon evolves into his final form, Diaboromon (Orc with noodle limbs), prompting Agumon and Gabumon to evolve into their mega forms, WarGreymon (Armoured knight dinosaur) and MetalGarurumon (Badass cyborg wolf). Tentomon and Patamon do their best Krillin impression, meaning they get stomped in one hit to show how powerful the bad guy is, but WarGreymon and MetalGarurumon are able to hold their own, at least until the connection lags and Tai accidentally turns the computer off trying to fix it. Stupid Tai! Diaboromon takes the opportunity to pound on WarGreymon and MetalGarurumon while the computer’s off, then goes about multiplying himself and setting nukes to blow up Japan and Colorado. Tai and Matt are somehow able to get inside the computer to support their Digimon thanks to the Power of Friendship (I would have preferred a Tron reference, but oh well.) The moral support enables WarGreymon and MetalGarurumon to combine into Omnimon and kill all the clones with his bitchin’ arm cannon. (“This is my BOOMSTICK!”) Soon, only the original Diaboromon is left, but he’s too fast for Omnimon, so Izzy slows him down by redirecting emails towards Diaboromon, causing him to lag. It is worth noting that this is the only recorded instance of someone shouting “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!” being actually kinda badass. Diaboromon spends the final moments of his existence paralyzed by Nigerian prince scams and Viagra adverts before Omnimon rams a sword through his head. This also deactivates the nukes, revealing that not playing isn’t the only way to win. That’ll teach Diaboromon he needs to shop smart, shop S-Mart. There’s also a subplot involving Tai trying to apologise to his love interest Sora after an argument.

Digimon Sora is not to be confused with Kingdom Hearts Sora. Speaking of Kingdom Hearts, Kari is also not to be confused with Kairi. Goodness knows I’ve done it often enough.

 

Unfortunately, while this subplot is kinda cute, it ends up counting for nothing if you’re familiar with Digimon, because of THAT FUCKING SEASON 2 EPILOGUE WHERE SORA AND MATT GET TOGETHER AND HAVE CHILDREN DESPITE NOTHING IN THE SERIES INDICATING THAT THEY LIKE EACH OTHER, WHEN SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN WITH TAI BECAUSE THEY WERE TOTALLY INTO EACH OTHER! I MEAN, WHY WOULD SET SOMETHING UP, AND THEN DECIDE LOL NO, WE’LL DO THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF THAT! THEN THEY HAD THE GALL TO NOT LET TK AND KARI OR JOE AND MIMI GET MARRIED AND HAVE BABIES EITHER! GOD, I’M SO ANGRY NOW I NEED TO GO BREAK SOMETHING!

I’d Rather Have a Bowl of Kokomon

Phew. I feel much better now. I must have been really angry to split apart into three different people, huh? Anyway, I’m sorry you had to see me lose my temper like that, so let’s get into the third and final story. This one features the cast of season 2.

This story begins shortly after the defeat of Diaboromon. A kid in Colorado named Willis goes running in a cornfield to celebrate not being nuked into oblivion, along with his two digimon Terriermon (Despite the name suggesting a dog, it’s a rabbit with helicopter ears,) and Kokomon (a purple palette swap of Terriermon). The run is ruined, not by the Children of the Corn, but by an evil wind that spirits Kokomon away. At least it isn’t M Night Shamamalama’s evil wind that makes people commit suicide. What a tweest!

Years later, Willis is being stalked by the now evil Kokomon, who has since evolved into a giant bear wearing a Viking helmet, and keeps saying to go back to the beginning. I’m not rewinding dude, the beginning is where the Angela Anaconda cartoon and the Digi Rap are. Fuck that shit! Willis decides to go back to Colorado, and invites the season 2 Digidestined to go with him. While they travel, Willis explains that he got greedy and wanted a third digimon, so he tried to create one, but he ended up with Diaboromon and we all know how that turned out. Kokomon shows up and evolves into his mega form, which is so powerful, he can turn back time. He uses this power to turn all the Digidestined and their Digimon into babies, before eating Terriermon and team leader Davis’ Digimon, Veemon (a blue imp dinosaur thing.) Inside Kokomon, Terriermon and Veemon find a virus, which is the evil wind that made Kokomon evil, so they evolve into gold forms and destroy it, killing Kokomon from the inside. Fortunately, since Kokomon is a good Digimon, or was before the whole evil wind thing, he gets to be reincarnated just in time to rave to the song from the start of Shrek. Hooray!

As I mentioned earlier, Digimon: the Movie is three films cobbled together, with the character of Willis being added to the first two stories in order to tie in the third story. The first story is made rather unfriendly for series newcomers and parents, thanks to Kari’s narration explaining in detail what Willis is doing right now without explaining who Willis is or why he’s relevant. We don’t need to know about Willis yet, because he’s irrelevant to the first story. Still, at least the film tries to accommodate for people other than Digi-Fans, which is more than you can say for the Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh movies. Willis’ involvement in the second story isn’t as obnoxious or forced. Here, he’s a friend of Izzy’s who contacts him via email, and Izzy doesn’t feel the need to talk about him constantly as if he has a man-crush on Willis.

The second segment is easily the best of the three. This one has the best villain and the best fight scenes, and there’s a sense of scale and urgency to the threat that is lacking from the other two stories. There’s also a nice cel-shading effect to the animation for the scenes inside the computer, which helps it stand out more visually. Besides that, this one can be actually pretty funny at times, with Tai in particular getting some good jokes, like the egg scene and this dialogue:

Izzy: Willis is the smartest kid I know. He’s in elementary school, but he takes classes in Colorado State!

Tai: (Clearly unimpressed) So what? I’m in junior high and I take classes in junior high.

And this one:

Tai: (Talking about Keromon) Why not click on it and press delete?

Izzy: Don’t you think I’ve already tried that?!?

The fact that this story managed to be funny is weird when you consider that the attempts at humour in the other two stories elicit more groans than chuckles. The first segment has a different art style to the rest of the series, with the characters being really short with big heads. They're adorable!

Overall, Digimon: the Movie isn’t all that bad, to be fair. Then again, a lot of my goodwill is directed towards the second story, which is significantly better than the other two. Personally, I wouldn’t have minded for the English release seeing this story expanded to feature length, using the 40 minute Japanese version as a base. There’s enough potential there that it could have possibly been done. If anyone wants to watch the film, I recommend you watch the second segment, and possibly the first one, as it is the shortest of the three, but skip the third segment, and the terribad opening bits.

I hope you enjoyed this diversion, but there will be a proper Marvel review soon. I apologise for being too busy to do one this week thanks to other things, and as punishment I will follow Kokomon’s advice and go back to the beginning. Angela Anaconda cartoon and the Digi Rap, here I come!

Fun Facts:

1. The original plan for the film was to include only the first two stories, which would have been combined for a cinematic release, with the third being released in full on video. This plan was shot down by the Fox executives, and the third story was added to the film in a heavily cut-down form. Most notably, an entire subplot involving Kokomon kidnapping the Season 1 Digidestined and turning them into babies was removed.

2. Digimon: the Movie made minor film history with regard to the voice actors’ pay. Normally, dubbing voice actors didn’t get residuals, but the Screen Actors Guild felt that they should this time because they felt the changes made to the three Japanese films qualified Digimon: the Movie as an original work.

3. Remember when Google Images made you click on numbered pages for images instead of having them all together? Back then, if you typed in Sora without specifying which one, Digimon Sora didn't appear for the first time until page 8. Pages 1 to 7 were dedicated to Kingdom Hearts Sora.

4. If you look into a bathroom mirror, with the bathroom lit by candle light, and say “Angela Anaconda” three times, Angela Anaconda will appear in the bathroom and force you to watch as she eats your soul. Then she will steal your shoes and flush them down the toilet and cut all phone connections so that you can’t call a plumber to fix it.