What If?: Planning a Playstation Cinematic Universe, Part 2

What If?: Planning a Playstation Cinematic Universe, Part 2

Last time I put Playstation characters instead of Marvel ones, and used them to poke a bit of fun at Marvel, I covered phases 1 and 2. This time, the imagined Phase 3 and beyond. Of course, the actual Marvel Phase 3 has only one film for me to draw from so far, so I’ll have to make stuff up for the rest of it.

Phase 3

God of War: Olympus Has Fallen

 

Having made literally more money than God with their previous films, Playstation no longer have the playground to themselves, since everyone and their grandmother is racing to make their own cinematic universes. The solution? Get the two biggest Playstation characters in the same movie and make them fight each other, of course!

When Kratos and the others cause a bit too much damage and civilian casualties, Nathan Drake is called in to talk some sense into him. This doesn’t work, as Deimos resurfaces and is linked to another terrorist act. Kratos and Drake come to blows as Drake believes Deimos is too dangerous and wants him apprehended, while Kratos knows Deimos was being controlled by Zeus and is not responsible for his actions, and the other All-Stars take sides. By the end of it, the two are off each other’s Christmas card lists. Meanwhile, Kat and Jak stay out of it and go on not a date instead.

This film is praised for subverting and experimenting with the clichés that the franchise was starting to fall into, and two very popular newcomers in the form of Emmett Graves, a neutral party who gets involved in the argument between Kratos and Drake when Deimos drags him into it, and the long awaited appearance of Crash Bandicoot, making a memorable extended cameo appearance near the end of the second act when he’s recruited by Drake to take Kratos in alive. Jak fans even get a bone thrown to them with the unexpected return of Samos the Sage, meaning that there’s still hope for Keira.

MediEvil

We’ve had science, mythology and space, so next up is the supernatural. Sir Daniel Fortesque was a braggart who schmoozed his way to a cushy position in the court of Gallowmere for his tall tales of slain dragons and rescued princesses, as well as dashing good looks that come from being one of the few people in the kingdom not infected with the plague. Unfortunately for him, King Peregrine believes the stories are real, and when the evil sorcerer Zarok starts raising an undead army, Sir Dan is tasked with leading an opposing army, only to get killed by the very first arrow fired. Nevertheless, Zarok is defeated without Dan’s help. 100 years later, Zarok tries again, but this time he accidentally revives Dan alongside his new undead army, and it’s up to Dan to defeat Zarok and become the true hero history remembers him as.

With most of the major characters used at this point, it’s time to start mining the back catalogues for the cult classics, and MediEvil fits the bill perfectly, not to mention offering yet another new angle to exploit thematically. The only fly in the ointment thus far is Zarok being played by a white woman instead of an old man with green skin. On one hand, a female villain besides Raven is great for diversity. On the other hand, green actors have a hard enough time getting roles as it is without having to deal with whitewashing stealing green roles too. We’ll see what effect, if any, this has on the box office. Actually, we won’t because this is purely fantasy, but you get the idea.

Ratchet and Clank 2

It turns out that retro 70s music was what Ratchet and Clank were missing all along, and the addition of the Groovitron made their previous film into a huge hit. In keeping with the darker and edgier direction of Phase 3, the plot this time is slightly more serious. With this being Ratchet and Clank, the emphasis is on slightly. After being forced to do good deeds in the previous film, Dr Nefarious overcompensates on the evil with the creation of the Biobliterator, a machine to transform organic beings into robots. The slightly more serious part comes from the treatment of racism, as Dr Nefarious is bigoted towards organic life forms and calls them squishies.

Crash Bandicoot: Respun

 

Everyone’s favourite marsupial, the wonder from down under, the rocket with a pocket finally comes home! The planned Crash Bandicoot cinematic universe didn’t pan out thanks to the underperformance of Crash of the Titans, which was too busy setting up the sequels to tell its own story, but the third go around got off to a good start thanks to the success of Olympus Has Fallen. This one promises not to redo the origin story that’s been done several times already, to include a diverse supporting cast, as opposed to everyone being bandicoots, and use a villain who didn’t appear in any of the previous films. Said villain is heavily rumoured to be Dingodile, until he wasn’t, but then was again.

Gravity Rush: Devastation

Kat and Jak sat out Olympus Has Fallen by going on not a date instead. This is that story.

Jak is never getting a standalone film again, while Kat’s last one wasn’t that great, so they came to a mutually beneficial agreement. Besides, it can get awfully lonely exploring unknown regions sometimes, especially when you want a friend for the end of the world. Raven is involved as always, while Daxter is significantly less likely. Rumours suggest this will be the film where Daedalus finally starts doing things, and that there will be sweeping changes to the Gravity Rush supporting cast. Hint: If their contracts are coming to an end in this film, they’re toast.

Starhawk

As Eric Cartman detailed in his carefully laid out movie franchise scheme, you don’t do the black guy movie until Phase 3. Hence, Starhawk. Some people call Emmet Graves a space cowboy. Some people call him Maureen. We knew this already from Olympus Has Fallen, since he was introduced in that and he was tied with Crash Bandicoot for everyone’s favourite character. What we didn’t know is that when he isn’t being dragged into political arguments between adventurer archaeologists and murderous Spartans, Emmett is the sheriff of a space frontier town who defends his turf from invaders. Not space Red Indians, but another Chimera infestation. Sure, they got their asses handed to them in Phase 1, but that time there was a team of fighters. This time, Emmet is all alone – unless he gets help from Deimos at the end.

Playstation All-Stars: Battle Royale

Daedalus finally did stuff in Gravity Rush 3, and he enjoyed doing stuff so much, he’s going to do some more stuff! Unfortunately, his idea of doing stuff is destroying worlds, so the Playstation All-Stars have to put a stop to that. Well, most of them anyway. Ratchet and Clank and Sly Cooper are being saved for Part 2, and they’ll be needed, as Daedalus has the All-Stars on the ropes in an epic cliffhanger ending!

Sly Cooper and Carmelita Fox

With most of the other All-Stars getting beaten badly by Daedalus, Kratos sends an emergency message to Sly Cooper, who took Kratos’ side in Civil War… I mean, Olympus Has Fallen, but wisely sat out the Battle Royale. Sly is tasked with stealing the Hate Chip, a MacGuffin that, according to Kratos, is Daedalus’ weakness. The catch? The Klaw Gang and Inspector Carmelita Fox are also searching for it, but Sly is able to get Carmelita’s help fairly easily when he tempts her with the promise of arresting both the Klaw Gang and Daedalus, setting her career up for life. Not to mention she’s the Catwoman to his Batman. Come to think of it, that should be the other way around, since Sly’s the one who goes against the law, but he’s doing it for a good cause. Yet both Batman and Catwoman operate outside the law, but Carmelita works in law enforcement? Oh no I have gone cross eyed.

Horizon: Zero Dawn

With most of the older heroes winding down at this point, now’s as good a time as any to start introducing the next generation of All-Stars. The existing heroes have been around for a while, so as a counterpoint, a new character is getting a push here – in fact, Aloy is so new, her game isn’t out yet! She explores her home planet, which has previously been ravaged by Daedalus’ conquest and is now terrorised by robot dinosaurs. Perhaps Aloy’s past experience will come in handy for a rematch with Daedalus? Funny you should say that…

Playstation All-Stars: Overtime

Daedalus is still doing stuff, and this time, he’s going to destroy the entire universe! It’s up to all the All-Stars to save the day. When we say all, we mean it – Ratchet and Clank, Sly Cooper and Aloy all join in, as do the supporting casts of the various characters (yes, that includes Jak’s supporting cast), and even some villains and dead characters return temporarily. Once all this is over, Daedalus will be deadalus, as will a bunch of old heroes and supporting characters. Now to come up with some new characters to fill the gaps, and a new villain to sit around waiting for Phases 4 and 5, before getting involved again in Phase 6, at which point we’ll all be old and grey, and there’ll be a reboot half way through Phase 5 anyway, rendering the whole thing moot.

Phase 4

We’re not stopping there. We need to milk the cash cow for as long as possible, after all. Let the baseless Phase 4 speculation / wishful thinking begin!

Legend of Dragoon? This was supposed to be in Phase 3, but then it got pushed back, and the TV shows did it instead, but since when have the films ever acknowledged the TV shows?

Heavenly Sword? Nariko finally gets her own movie! It’s about time.

More Sequels: Mostly for the newer characters from Phase 3, but there are a couple veterans bringing up the rear. Crash Bandicoot 2? Ratchet and Clank 3? MediEvil 2? Starhawk 2?

Uncharted 4? This one deserves special mention, as no matter how many times we’re told Uncharted 3 was the last one, this rumour refuses to die. If they finally make it, expect this to really be A Thief’s End. See what I did there?

God of War 4? All hail Beard Kratos. The beard mellows him out as he trains his son Kratos Jr to take his place. The kids can call him KraJu.

TV Shows

We’re not stopping there either. For maximum marketing potential, we need to get some TV series going. These are mostly for the older crowd who feel that the films are too 12A for them and are only going because someone had to take the kids and they drew the short straw.

Much like Uncharted and God of War are the centrepieces of the film series, that role is filled for the TV shows by Infamous, the tale of a formerly ordinary man who has superpowers thrust upon him, and must decide whether to do the right thing or give in to the temptation of the dark side. For the TV show, expect a bit of both. This show is hugely popular and ends up helping Primal, The Mark of Kri and Heavy Rain make the jump to the small screen, before they all cross together. Twisted Metal is added following the successful introduction of Sweet Tooth in Infamous season 2.

Finally, for TV shows somewhat closer to the film tone, there’s All-Star Agents, which starts life as a Syphon Filter show in all but name. This gets off to a rocky start, but the events of God of War: The Ghost of Sparta give the perfect opportunity to torpedo the premise and retool the show, as it turns out the entire cast are pawns of Zeus, so Kratos kills them all. After that, the show becomes Legend of Dragoon in all but name. Finally, there’s a God of War spin-off starring Athena, detailing what she gets up to in ancient Greece after Kratos gallivants off to the present day. The show’s fans are fiercely dedicated, but there aren’t nearly enough of them, so it’s cancelled after 2 seasons.