300 2: Themistocles' Ocean Adventure

300: Rise of an Empire (2014)

Release Date: March 7, 2014

Our world has numerous unknown mysteries. Scientists, philosophers and academics have spent countless millennia pondering the solutions to these questions, and will continue to do so for countless millennia more. How did life come to be? What is our purpose? What happens when we die? I have just come across another question, albeit one that’s a fair bit more trivial in nature than those, though just as mysterious. Why was 300 2: Themistocles’ Ocean Adventure made?

That may sound harsh, but it isn’t intended as a shot at the film’s quality. I’m just genuinely puzzled as to how a sequel to 300 came about under the circumstances. First off, the previous film ended pretty conclusively in such a way that it would be difficult to carry on the story. Second, it’s a belated sequel made 7 years after the first film, putting it in the awkward middle phase where it’s been too long since the last one for a sequel to be timely, but not long enough for a sequel that builds the plot around how long it’s been since the last one (for example, Toy Story 3, Tron Legacy and Jurassic World. Speaking of Tron, I’m still salty AF over Tron 3’s last minute cancellation, but this isn’t the time or place for that.) This film’s solution was to tell a story concurrent with the first film’s events on another front of the war effort.

There! To the sea I tell you! Our salvation floats upon the briny blue!

The film’s first act gives the backstory of Xerxes and the Persians. Xerxes was at the battle of Marathon, where his father was killed by the Athenian general Themistocles, and Xerxes was unable to save him in time. Xerxes is convinced by naval commander Artemisia, motivated by a backstory that could pass muster as an Aristocrats joke, to leave on a quest to become a God-King. Xerxes returns from his quest as the Pillar Man we all know and love, and the treacherous Artemisia took the opportunity while he was gone to kill everyone else that Xerxes listened to. Xerxes then declares war on Greece.

Xerxes would fit right in with these guys.

In anticipation of the Persians, Themistocles has tried to get all the Greek states to unite, but his attempt fails when the Spartans stubbornly insist on doing their own thing, Themistocles leads the Athenian navy in an assault on the Persians without the Spartans, and has enough success that Artemisia personally takes notice and tries to bring him over to her side by getting it on, but he turns her down.

In the meantime, the Spartans are defeated and the Athenians make their last desperate move on the Persian navy with only a handful of soldiers and ships left… until the other Greek states provide backup that turns the tide (Ha!) of battle. Then again, the epilogue of 300 had Dilios leading an army of 10,000 soldiers and he’s present in the final battle here, implying that the other one is set after this, so it’s a bit of a foregone conclusion really. One other thing: if you must make a 300 sequel, why didn’t we get to see the outcome of the one thing from the original that was left unresolved?

One way in which Rise of an Empire does differ is in the significant increase in gore. Although there was plenty of death in 300, there wasn’t much blood, even when limbs were severed or heads decapitated. The sequel adds in blood. Lots and lots of blood. Not just where it would be expected, such as during a decapitation, but whenever anyone is injured. It starts as a neat bit colour contrast between the blue of the sea and the red of the blood, but the effect is soon lost as the blood is overdone and even the slightest cut floods the shot in vein ketchup. The blood stops having any impact when stepping on a particularly sharp pebble while barefoot has a comparable effect on blood loss as severing an artery.

It’s rather disappointing that the film feels very similar to the original. Not in a good way where what worked about the original was kept, but in the sense that it feels like more of the same. Rise of an Empire struggles to set itself apart from the first film. This is unavoidable to some degree, as the film’s events are concurrent with those of the original, but most of the first film’s characters reappear in cameos. Even the Persian messenger returns, with a pivotal role in Artemisia’s backstory at that! The one holdout is Leonidas himself, who either appears in flashbacks or is spoken of as being just off-screen. His absence is a shame, as he was one of the most enjoyable aspects of the first film. It contributes to the feel of the film being stuck in its predecessor’s shadow, especially since almost everyone else returned, whether they were necessary to the plot of the new film, or just there for the sake of saying “Member 300? Oh, I member!”

“Member the oracle? Member the hunchback? Member the pit?”

Nowhere is the tough task of having to compete with the original more evident than in the character of Themistocles. He tries, bless him, he really does, but he just isn’t as charismatic as Leonidas was. Leonidas tearing out chunks of the scenery with his teeth at every opportunity and bellowing all his dialogue made him memorable. It contributed to the first film’s larger-than-life charm, its juxtaposition of extreme testosterone fuelled manliness, and also the incredible homo-eroticism that comes from lots of rippling muscled men wearing very little clothing demonstrating such machismo. There was also the concept of the first film being told as a story by Dilios, who embellished it to make the Spartans more heroic and have monstrous creatures and arcane magic among the Persian ranks. The sequel is more restrained and less over the top in this regard, although it does have its share of really silly stuff, like the bit with the horse in the climax. Unfortunately, this also makes it less compelling in a way. While there is some welcome development of older aspects here such as the increased prominence of the messenger, as silly as it may seem at first, being the only person ever to show Artemisia kindness and being like a father to her, other things from the original do lose a bit of their impact from the development of the world here. Most notable is Leonidas’ last act of defiance to Xerxes in the first film. Leonidas scratching Xerxes’ cheek with a thrown spear to demonstrate that he is not invincible and that even a God can bleed is implied in the original to inspire the rest of Greece to unite, leading to the army of 10,000 soldiers in the epilogue. In this film, it’s explained that Themistocles had been organising the union already, with the Spartans being the only hold-outs. In that regard, Leonidas’ sacrifice is reduced from making him a martyr for Greece to rally behind, to just buying time while Themistocles does his thing.

On the plus side, there is some good stuff here. The stylised backdrops remain, allowing the characters to pop out into vivid focus and providing a nod to the film’s graphic novel roots. Although being limited to the sea inevitably means less variety in settings, it is made up for in a surprising variety of ocean themed battles and strategies. The expansion of the world, allowing us to see the rest of Greece as well as Persia, is well done, particularly the scenes showing that the Persians are just as enthusiastic about Xerxes and his campaign as the Spartans were about Leonidas and his defence, and the scene showing Sparta from the perspective of Themistocles, who as an outsider is shocked by the senseless brutality of the Spartan way. The highlight among the cast is Eva Green as Artemisia. She’s clearly having fun with the role, and also gives the Persians a Leonidas equivalent. There are periods where she carries the film, which combined with the glimpses of Persia and the backstory of Xerxes, almost make it a shame that the film isn’t told from the perspective of the Persians. Possibly this is because having one of the reasons behind Artemisia’s animosity towards the Greeks be a desire to avenge her adoptive father after Leonidas killed him like it was no big deal would have made her too sympathetic.

Unfortunately, 300: Rise of an Empire is overall, case of style over substance. True, the first film was too, but it was better able to overcome its issues than this one. The greatest sin? It’s not nearly as quotable or memorable as the original. Nothing on the level of THIS IS SPARTA! here. At least it wasn’t successful enough to justify Meet the Spartans 2: Athenians of the Aegean, so that’s a silver lining.

5/10

Speaking of THIS IS SPARTA! Here it is, in both original and stupid statement dance mix varieties.